The Five Languages of Apology:

How to Experience Healing in All Your Relationships

by Gary Chapman


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EXPRESSING REGRET "I am sorry."

ACCEPTING RESPONSIBILITY "I was wrong."

MAKING RESTITUTION "What can I do to make it right?"

GENUINE REPENTING "I'll try not to do that again."

REQUESTING FORGIVENESS "Will you please forgive me?"

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The book teaches us the 5 steps to apologise for the wrongs that we have done in any relationship, be it in a love relationship, family, friends or at work. I realised after reading the book that today, we apologise very little in our lives or even if we do, we never do the right way when we have offended someone or have done something wrong. We only say "I'm sorry" which is not good enough to make the person feel justified and happy again. A person who has been wronged will not let go of the incident until a sincere apology is given. Something within us cries for reconciliation when wrong doing has fractured a relationship. The desire for reconciliation is often more potent thatn the desire for justice. The more intimate the relationship the deeper the desire for reconciliation. In hurt and anger pulled between a longing for justice and desire for mercy. On one hand the wronged party wants the other party to pay for the wrongdoing, on the other hand wishes for reconciliation. Sincere apology makes genuine reconciliation possible. If there is no sincere apology, the sense of morality will demand for justice.

So can we all start learning to apologise sincerely and doing it the right way? When I was flying with SIA, our favourite line is "I'm sorry Sir/Mdm." We always say I'm sorry when we can't fulfil our passengers' certain requests or we say I'm sorry on behalf of our airline for whatever that our colleagues have offended them for. I still remember one passenger commented when I again said I'm sorry on behalf of my company, he said "Your airline should be called IAS instead of SIA, because you guys say I Am Sorry all the time." Again, I have nothing to say but I'm sorry. Really, does the I'm sorry make anything go away? That is why we always do Step 3 which is MAKING RESTITUTION. We always offer the passenger for something they would like or to the extreme we will upgrade them into Business Class. There was one incident during a flight to Bali, when the cart that my team was carrying toppled and the coffee mug on top of the cart dropped on the passenger's lap. It was a lady and her husband who were on the way to Bali for holidays. She was very unlucky for sitting at the emergency exit where we park our cart and her thighs were all scorched and burned from the hot coffee. We kept saying sorry but in the end when we upgraded them to Business Class, everything was alright. But I still remember that incident until today.

Well, I am still reading the book. I hope I can finish it very soon so that I can pass it down to Carrine. I am enjoying every moment of reading it. Sincere apology is the way for good relationships....

In The Five Languages of Apology, you will learn how to recognize your own primary apology language while speaking the languages of those you love. Understanding and applying the five languages of an apology will greatly enhance all of your relationships.

Chapman, author of the bestselling The Five Love Languages, teams up with psychologist Thomas for thoughtful dissection of another tricky subject. Chapman and Thomas choose to tackle the apology because, as with love, understanding it is essential for developing, maintaining and repairing relationships. Apology, however, covers a much broader scope, applying to all varieties of relationships, from the deeply personal connection between intimate partners to the formal relationships between nations. Chapman and Thomas's basic observation that we don't all agree on what constitutes a sincere apology is perhaps not surprising, but it may, as they show, help couples who can't resolve arguments because their apologies aren't accepted. The authors stress that you need to learn the "language" of the person you are apologizing to: for one person, it may be expressing regret, while for another it's accepting responsibility or making restitution. Especially useful is the chapter that helps readers learn which language of apology feels most sincere to them. Chapman and Thomas are most apt when they seek to repair relationships not with large ideas but with simple basics that are too often taken for granted.

http://www.bcwinstitute.com/press/ApologyStudyGuide_Workplace.pdf







Gary Chapman also wrote:

Hope for The Separated: Wounded Marriages Can Be Healed
The Heart of the Five Love Languages

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

The Five Love Languages for Men: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

The Five Languages of Teenagers: Parent Study Guide

The Five Languages of Children

The Love Languages of God

Making Love: The Chapman Guide to Making Sex An Act of Love

Desperate Marriages: Moving Toward Hope and Healing in Your Relationship

Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way

The Four Seasons of Marriage

Five Love Languages for Singles

Covenant Marriage: Building Communication & Intimacy Toward a

Growing Marriage

Five Signs of a Functional Family: How To Give Birth To a Christian Marriage and Handle

The Growing Pains Marriage (The Transformation of a Man's Heart)

In-Law Relationships: The Chapman Guide to Becoming Friends With Your In-Laws

Loving Solutions

Winter Turns to Spring

The Love as a Way of Life Devotional: A 90-Day Adventure That Makes Love a Daily Habit

Your Gift of Love: Selections From the Five Love Language


*If you decide to buy any of these books, please do share with me :)*