By Flora McCraith, MSN, Updated: 12/15/2009
If you don’t want your relationship to end a tragic death, then don’t bicker about these things.
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Couples argue and fight over an array of different things, from the downright petty to earth shattering things. There are some things that may be worth squabbling about - whether in short or long term and that's normal.
However, there are some things that you shouldn’t do or let interfere with your relationship as it will seriously rock the boat and take a chunk of life from your relationships' lifespan.
Cyber-scoop
With all the online social portals that have arisen over the past few years, with many of us are guilty of spending a lot of time on (you know who you are); there are some relationships which have come to a grinding halt and fallen apart because of this.
In our parent’s generation, there was none of this online interaction, and dating and relationship were a lot simpler because of this. A couple liked each other, got to know one another, married, settled down and had children.
However now, couples are able to follow and scoop on each other. They can find out where they are, who they have been hanging out with, can view seemingly incriminating, yet innocent photos, and access a lot of other things that can potentially ruin a relationship.
Facebook can throw up jealousy, ‘status’ questions, pictures of exes and why they said they were working later, when the next day they appear in birthday photos. Facebook use may be adding fuel to the fire, feral flights of jealous exploration, as users in relationships see hints of possible betrayal and then move quickly to find evidence of a partner's unfaithful thoughts or behaviour.
The rules and etiquette of dating and relationships has been changed forever due to these online social portals. Other scooping that will ruin your relationship includes reading your partner’s inbox messages or emails. You are either going to find something you don’t want to see, or find nothing and risk feelings of guilt or being caught.
It isn’t the basis for a happily ever after and if your curiosity does get the better of you, it will no doubt come back and bite you in the bum.
We advise you on these matters so you'd not wreck your relationship over.
Threes a crowd
A threesome is a sure fire way to ruin a relationship, even if it is something that you both want to try out.
This is because that being intimate with someone that you love and care about is more than just sex. Bonding and emotions are involved on many levels as well.
When you find that your other half is paying too much attention to the third party, (and yes, the third party is predominantly another woman), this can cause feelings of jealousy and questions to arise such as, ‘Did he enjoy it more with her than he does with me?’ or ‘Has he kept in contact with them?’ You may even wonder to yourself why he would need another woman in bed when you are already there and therefore start questioning whether you are satisfying him enough or whether he will leave.
It’s a recipe for disaster and unless you are in a very casual relationship with no strings attached, then a threesome is best left out of a relationship.
Insecurities, doubt, questions and a constant nagging feeling are all something that will throw a spanner into the works.
So no matter how much he begs you or how curious you are about a threesome, is not going to make your relationship stronger. Even if you think you are both on the same page, both emotionally strong enough, and won’t let it ruin things, you won’t know until it has happened and by then, it is too late.
Job
There are times in our lives when a job opportunity comes along and you jump in with two feet and immerse yourself in the long hours and possible business travel.
When something like this happens and work becomes the top of our agenda, it is usually the case that our relationships get pushed to the side somewhat. While there is nothing wrong with perusing your career and making something for yourself, your relationship also has to be taken into account.
Hopefully your other half will be understanding and support you through the long hours and stress from a new project or stressful job, but sometimes you have to take stock on how it may be affecting your significant other.
They may feel that you put more time and effort into your work than you do the relationship, or that your work overtime means canceling dates, dinners, drinks or quality time together.
If the shoe is fitted on the other foot, you may feel the same. So either you need to be with someone whose agenda matches yours or be very attentive and pay special attention to your other half when you are with them.
Overall make sure that you don’t start to make your partner feel redundant.
Revealing your fantasy – sizzle or fizzle?
So you want to know what each other’s ultimate fantasy is, but be careful when they do confess, or you for that matter as you might open a whole can of worms. That is why, many people keep their ‘private’ thoughts to themselves. Men can be tentative about revealing the sordid things that they think may turn them on but women have a tendency to judge their whole character on this and retreat in horror.
On the other hand, if you feel that it will being you closer together and spice up your sex life, then proceed gradually and with caution. If your man is jealous, then you obviously don’t want to tell him that you have been fantasising about other men!
Guys in general are perhaps more open to trying out new things, but if you spin the genders of the situation, it's most likely that a lot of women would become acutely anxious or insecure if they find out that their partner has been fantasising frequently about other women.
Even when both partners freely share their sex fantasies to one another, there's no warranty that the end result will be a positive meeting of the minds, or bodies and it will either really enhance the sexual relationship or put the flame out completely.
It will also take a very loving and devoted partner to listen and accept fantasies that may be outside conventional sexual experiences. The failure to accept a risqué fantasy may cause a divide in the relationship.
If you are thinking about opening this door, then make sure that you are prepared by what will be revealed.
Having a past
This is something that many a couple argue and ruin their relationships over, whether it is about an ex, their sexual behaviour or a totally different life.
Everyone has a past and a life before someone comes into the scene and there may be other people that he or you loved. In this case. exes are always an issue we have to deal with and some may have a problem with this. It's even more prevalent in people who have jealous tendencies or if the ex is still lingering around.
If he is, and you for that matter, are honest with the fact that you remained friends after breaking up, it proves that although these relationships ended, they were handled in a civilised manner.
Unless he has given you reason to think that he maybe unfaithful or that the ex may have other intentions, then them being in contact doesn’t mean he wants to be back with her.
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