Is Unlimited Loving Possible?

By Philena

People frequently question whether unlimited loving is possible. Might it be because people confuse loving with having sex? Loving someone is a choice. Having sex with someone is a choice, too. But it is a different choice. You can love without having sex and you can have sex without loving. And when I talk about unlimited loving, I do not mean having limitless sex. If you love a person in a romantic way, sex is the most intense way to communicate that love and to give one another attention. Loving sex has a healing effect.

Unlimited loving starts with loving yourself. If you don't love yourself enough, you will look to complement yourself through others and you will need that other person to feel complete. If you need another person, you run the risk of starting to claim him or her. That has nothing to do with loving the other, but with filling a need - a lack of love - in yourself. Not until you truly love yourself, are you capable of unconditional love for someone else.

Just like a tree, man needs roots to supply him with essential nutrients, which he finds in himself and in others. A love relationship gives him roots. By means of these roots, he fulfills his true needs. Man's true needs are not a snazzy car or a fancy home. What truly makes a person happy, is when his needs are met: the need for attention, acceptance, respect, appreciation, and for freedom. If you love yourself enough, a loving relationship with another person will allow you to grow and flourish.

Loving starts with attention and everything that gets attention, thrives. Accept yourself the way you are. Accept the other - completely - just the way he or she is. Every human being is perfect, imperfect though he/she may be. There's no point in not accepting someone. For you can never change another person. You are only able to change yourself.

Treating each other respectfully means being cognizant of each other's wishes and boundaries. When you feel love for another person, this happens automatically. If you love yourself sufficiently, you respect the other person's wishes and boundaries without denying yourself. Because treating others respectfully, does not mean simply behaving according to their wishes and boundaries. It could also mean that you declare in all frankness: "If I observe that boundary of yours, I will belie myself. I cannot abide by it." Treating each other respectfully begins with treating yourself respectfully. Be honest about who you are and what you want.

And when you feel appreciation for yourself or for your partner, take a moment to express it. Say it!

The more you love yourself, the more your self-confidence will increase. This gives you the strength to take the freedom to be who you really are. In relationships with others, the mutual level of trust grows. Trust allows you to give each other the freedom to be who you are. The courage to let go of each other. Personally, I have two love relationships. Marnix and I have made a conscious decision to give each other room for a second romantic love relationship. A second love relationship is possible, if your primary relationship is good and if there is sufficient trust in the relationship to let go of one another.

Finally, it is possible to adopt loving as an "attitude to life". Focus your attention on where you are. Focus on your food. Be attentive in every encounter with another person. Be mindful of your surroundings. Accept the other as he is. But remain loving towards yourself and give your attention to those people who contribute to what you truly want to realize in life. Behave respectfully towards everyone without being untrue to yourself. Show your appreciation. Be free to be yourself and also grant that freedom to anyone else.

With unlimited loving your attitude to life, you are contributing to a more beautiful world!